1
00:00:04,705 --> 00:00:06,266
What's wrong with the TV?
2
00:00:06,290 --> 00:00:08,435
Nothing, Chris.
All the shows
are in widescreen now,
3
00:00:08,459 --> 00:00:11,237
so you can see all
the stuff on the sides
that you couldn't before.
4
00:00:11,261 --> 00:00:13,341
ANNOUNCER ON TV:
We now return to
The Brady Bunch.
5
00:00:13,397 --> 00:00:15,525
See, look.
Here's what
you used to see.
6
00:00:15,549 --> 00:00:17,649
Good night, Mike.
Good night, Carol.
7
00:00:17,717 --> 00:00:19,957
BRIAN: And here's
the stuff you missed.
8
00:00:28,011 --> 00:00:31,396
♪ It seems today
that all you see
9
00:00:31,464 --> 00:00:34,700
♪ Is violence in movies
and sex on TV
10
00:00:34,768 --> 00:00:38,153
♪ But where are those
good old-fashioned values
11
00:00:38,239 --> 00:00:41,440
♪ On which we used to rely?
12
00:00:41,509 --> 00:00:44,776
♪ Lucky there's a family guy
13
00:00:44,828 --> 00:00:48,029
♪ Lucky there's a man who
positively can do
14
00:00:48,098 --> 00:00:49,631
♪ All the things that make us
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00:00:49,700 --> 00:00:51,350
♪ Laugh and cry
16
00:00:51,418 --> 00:00:56,471
♪ He's a family guy ♪
17
00:01:04,081 --> 00:01:06,698
Good evening, I'm Tom Tucker.
Diane can't be with us today.
18
00:01:06,767 --> 00:01:08,445
Where is Diane, Ollie?
She dead!
19
00:01:08,469 --> 00:01:10,680
Thanks, Ollie.
Yes, Diane is
no longer with us.
20
00:01:10,704 --> 00:01:12,282
She was shot by
an unknown assailant,
21
00:01:12,306 --> 00:01:15,240
after she herself committed
a series of gruesome murders.
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00:01:15,309 --> 00:01:17,721
I'd like to welcome
our new co-anchor,
Joyce Kinney.
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00:01:17,745 --> 00:01:19,305
Welcome, Joyce.
Thanks, Tom.
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00:01:19,329 --> 00:01:21,796
Wow, you sound crazy nervous.
25
00:01:21,865 --> 00:01:23,665
In local news,
26
00:01:23,733 --> 00:01:25,678
there was a hit-and-run
by a drunk driver
today at Quahog Park.
27
00:01:25,702 --> 00:01:27,119
Two children are missing.
28
00:01:27,187 --> 00:01:30,171
(GASPS)
I was just there.
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00:01:30,240 --> 00:01:32,891
Oh, boy.
Don't let Brian see this.
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00:01:32,960 --> 00:01:34,871
It says here that Rush Limbaugh
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00:01:34,895 --> 00:01:36,740
will be signing books
at the Quahog Mall.
32
00:01:36,764 --> 00:01:38,964
BRIAN: I have
very good hearing!
33
00:01:39,533 --> 00:01:41,282
He's awful.
34
00:01:41,351 --> 00:01:44,419
But I thought Rush Limbaugh
is a fictional character
played by Fred Savage.
35
00:01:44,488 --> 00:01:46,354
Where'd you hear that?
Fox News.
36
00:01:46,423 --> 00:01:49,124
Then it's a lie.
Everything Fox News says
is a lie.
37
00:01:49,192 --> 00:01:51,994
But this one's true, Mom.
You saw it
with your own eyes,
38
00:01:52,062 --> 00:01:54,029
and then you reported it
on Fox News.
39
00:01:54,097 --> 00:01:57,532
Even true things,
once said on Fox News,
become lies.
40
00:01:57,618 --> 00:01:59,012
Why's Limbaugh coming here?
41
00:01:59,036 --> 00:02:02,420
Don't they have bookstores
at the Nazi fascist...
42
00:02:02,490 --> 00:02:04,422
Fascist fat camp where he...
Where he go...
43
00:02:04,492 --> 00:02:06,436
Where he...
Where he is
a counselor?
44
00:02:06,460 --> 00:02:08,054
I tell you what,
Brian, if you want,
45
00:02:08,078 --> 00:02:09,656
we'll give you
another crack at that.
46
00:02:09,680 --> 00:02:11,074
This guy single-handedly
47
00:02:11,098 --> 00:02:13,665
set political discourse
back a hundred years.
48
00:02:13,734 --> 00:02:16,012
Hasn't the right wing done
enough damage to our nation
49
00:02:16,036 --> 00:02:17,936
with the war, and torture,
50
00:02:18,005 --> 00:02:20,217
and the wholesale violation
of our civil liberties?
51
00:02:20,241 --> 00:02:21,651
I mean, you know, back me up...
52
00:02:21,675 --> 00:02:23,442
Oh, and the economy, right?
53
00:02:23,511 --> 00:02:24,770
Back me up on this, you know?
54
00:02:24,794 --> 00:02:26,954
(YAWNS) I've got
to scratch my joint.
55
00:02:28,081 --> 00:02:29,809
I say, Chris,
there may be something
56
00:02:29,833 --> 00:02:31,967
to this pastime of
manual self-stimulus.
57
00:02:32,036 --> 00:02:34,786
They all laughed at me.
58
00:02:34,855 --> 00:02:36,735
Let's see where this goes.
59
00:02:40,110 --> 00:02:41,542
(BOTH MOANING)
60
00:02:42,546 --> 00:02:44,946
Wow! It went right there.
61
00:02:45,032 --> 00:02:46,493
You know what?
I'm gonna
go down there
62
00:02:46,517 --> 00:02:48,783
and give that bastard Limbaugh
a piece of my mind.
63
00:02:48,852 --> 00:02:51,637
But first, I'm gonna
sit here and stare at
this brown paper bag
64
00:02:51,705 --> 00:02:53,572
I'm pretty sure has food in it.
65
00:02:57,178 --> 00:02:58,310
(SNIFFING)
66
00:02:58,379 --> 00:02:59,895
PETER: No!
Oh, well.
67
00:03:06,603 --> 00:03:07,836
Look at him.
68
00:03:07,905 --> 00:03:10,371
His side screwed up
our country for a generation.
69
00:03:10,440 --> 00:03:11,718
I hate everything
about that man.
70
00:03:11,742 --> 00:03:13,408
I'm gonna go tear him a new one.
71
00:03:13,477 --> 00:03:17,079
I'm gonna go find some
hardcover photography books
of tasteful nudes.
72
00:03:18,248 --> 00:03:21,316
STEWIE: Oh, my God,
yes, that is tasteful.
73
00:03:24,471 --> 00:03:26,299
Hey, my friend,
who should
I make this out to?
74
00:03:26,323 --> 00:03:29,173
Yeah. Make it out to Charmin,
because that's how
I'm going to use it.
75
00:03:29,243 --> 00:03:32,293
"Charmin."
Is that with an "S-H" or...
76
00:03:32,362 --> 00:03:34,140
Wait a minute.
That's not nice.
77
00:03:34,164 --> 00:03:35,892
You're saying my
book is fecal matter.
78
00:03:35,916 --> 00:03:38,684
No, actually,
I'm saying it's toilet paper,
but listen, Limbaugh,
79
00:03:38,752 --> 00:03:41,380
my name is Brian Griffin
and I have got something
to say to you.
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00:03:41,404 --> 00:03:43,182
Our republic has
been bastardized
81
00:03:43,206 --> 00:03:45,451
and royally screwed up
thanks to you jackasses.
82
00:03:45,475 --> 00:03:47,435
You suck!
And you're terrible!
83
00:03:47,477 --> 00:03:51,095
And you've been
divorced several times.
84
00:03:51,148 --> 00:03:53,532
Yes, valid points
you're raising,
my friend,
85
00:03:53,600 --> 00:03:56,079
and I respect you
for raising them.
But may I ask you a question?
86
00:03:56,103 --> 00:03:57,269
Okay.
87
00:03:57,338 --> 00:03:59,587
Have you ever read
anything I've written?
88
00:03:59,657 --> 00:04:00,905
Well, no, I haven't.
89
00:04:00,974 --> 00:04:02,752
But I've read things
other people have written
90
00:04:02,776 --> 00:04:04,287
about the things you've written,
91
00:04:04,311 --> 00:04:06,656
and I do not approve
of the things
I've read from others
92
00:04:06,680 --> 00:04:07,924
about the things
they've read from you.
93
00:04:07,948 --> 00:04:09,481
Not one bit, sir.
94
00:04:09,550 --> 00:04:12,918
For crying out loud,
Brian, read my book.
Judge for yourself.
95
00:04:12,986 --> 00:04:16,038
I'd sooner spend a night
watching European porn.
96
00:04:16,106 --> 00:04:18,590
(MAN AND WOMAN MOANING
IN FOREIGN LANGUAGE)
97
00:04:22,696 --> 00:04:24,463
(BOTH YELLING)
98
00:04:28,669 --> 00:04:30,685
Stupid right wing dick.
99
00:04:30,754 --> 00:04:32,732
Yeah, you...
Hey, you want to
sign my book?
100
00:04:32,756 --> 00:04:35,057
Yeah, you can sign my ass book.
101
00:04:35,125 --> 00:04:37,025
Is what would've
been awesome to say.
102
00:04:40,364 --> 00:04:44,116
Oh, no.
It's a multiracial TV gang,
including white guys.
103
00:04:44,184 --> 00:04:46,751
Well, well, what do we got here?
104
00:04:46,820 --> 00:04:49,065
Let's beat him up,
but not because
of his color,
105
00:04:49,089 --> 00:04:51,089
'cause that
doesn't matter to us.
106
00:05:07,091 --> 00:05:08,256
(GROANS)
107
00:05:45,462 --> 00:05:47,395
Wow. Thanks, Rush.
108
00:05:47,464 --> 00:05:48,664
It was nothing.
109
00:05:48,698 --> 00:05:50,342
I mean, you'd have done
the same thing for me.
110
00:05:50,366 --> 00:05:52,434
Uh, yeah, of course.
111
00:05:52,503 --> 00:05:54,330
Hey, you dropped something.
112
00:05:54,354 --> 00:05:56,265
You think you might
give it a read now?
113
00:05:56,289 --> 00:05:58,205
Uh, well...
114
00:05:58,274 --> 00:06:00,603
What if I stick
a piece of baloney
in the book
115
00:06:00,627 --> 00:06:01,971
and I don't tell you which page?
116
00:06:01,995 --> 00:06:03,272
Would you read it, then, Brian?
117
00:06:03,296 --> 00:06:05,441
Would you read it
to find the page
with the baloney?
118
00:06:05,465 --> 00:06:07,866
Okay, look,
I'll read four pages
of your book tonight.
119
00:06:07,934 --> 00:06:09,934
All right?
Four pages. That's it.
120
00:06:10,003 --> 00:06:13,354
And maybe more
if tonight's episode
of The Office ends up sucking.
121
00:06:16,977 --> 00:06:19,678
(SIGHS) Four pages.
Done. Moving on.
122
00:06:19,747 --> 00:06:23,147
DWIGHT: I know my staplers
by sound and by weight.
123
00:06:23,216 --> 00:06:26,317
And that stapler,
good sir, is a Schrute.
124
00:06:26,387 --> 00:06:29,366
(LAUGHS) Look
at John Krasinski
look at the camera.
125
00:06:29,390 --> 00:06:31,523
He can't believe this guy!
126
00:06:31,592 --> 00:06:35,560
Aw, but there were gonna be
more high jinks in Scranton.
(CHUCKLES)
127
00:06:35,629 --> 00:06:39,163
Scranton.
Dunder Mifflin.
(CHUCKLES)
128
00:06:39,232 --> 00:06:41,592
Funny words are funny.
129
00:06:42,302 --> 00:06:44,853
(AMERICA THE BEAUTIFUL
PLAYING)
130
00:06:58,435 --> 00:07:02,003
Oh, my God. Rush Limbaugh
was right all along.
131
00:07:02,072 --> 00:07:05,240
Conservative Republicanism
is the answer.
132
00:07:05,309 --> 00:07:07,286
Good.
Good for Brian.
133
00:07:07,310 --> 00:07:10,306
Brian, look at this.
Now, this is
a tasteful nude.
134
00:07:10,330 --> 00:07:13,748
It's called "A Saucy Outing
In Tottenham Court Square."
135
00:07:21,008 --> 00:07:23,708
Brian, are you reading
the new Rush Limbaugh book?
136
00:07:23,777 --> 00:07:25,488
Yeah, I picked it up
at the mall yesterday.
137
00:07:25,512 --> 00:07:26,832
I can't believe I'm saying this,
138
00:07:26,897 --> 00:07:30,031
but this might be
the best book
I've ever read.
139
00:07:30,099 --> 00:07:31,377
Brian, you got to be joking.
140
00:07:31,401 --> 00:07:32,901
No, I mean it, Lois.
141
00:07:32,969 --> 00:07:34,981
You know, I've never
actually read any of
Limbaugh's stuff,
142
00:07:35,005 --> 00:07:38,139
but this book
makes an excellent case
for personal accountability,
143
00:07:38,207 --> 00:07:40,341
fiscal responsibility,
and steak eatership.
144
00:07:40,410 --> 00:07:42,677
But you're a hardcore liberal.
145
00:07:42,746 --> 00:07:45,112
Rush Limbaugh is
a right wing extremist.
146
00:07:45,181 --> 00:07:47,493
He stands
for everything
you despise.
147
00:07:47,517 --> 00:07:49,250
My loyalty is to reason, Lois.
148
00:07:49,318 --> 00:07:52,420
And as a reasonable person,
I reserve
the right to change my mind
149
00:07:52,488 --> 00:07:55,289
when presented
with new information
that alters my perspective.
150
00:07:55,358 --> 00:07:57,659
And I got to tell you,
I had this guy all wrong.
151
00:07:57,727 --> 00:08:00,428
I mean, some of the stuff
in here is... Hey, baloney!
152
00:08:05,051 --> 00:08:06,846
Thank you, friends.
It's always a pleasure
153
00:08:06,870 --> 00:08:08,836
to meet regular, real Americans.
154
00:08:08,905 --> 00:08:10,850
Love the Hummer, Rush.
How do you like it?
155
00:08:10,874 --> 00:08:12,374
It is the best.
156
00:08:12,442 --> 00:08:14,653
I'm not saying
you'd have to be gay
to drive something else.
157
00:08:14,677 --> 00:08:16,111
But if you drive something else,
158
00:08:16,179 --> 00:08:17,512
you're probably a guy who likes
159
00:08:17,580 --> 00:08:19,314
to pleasure other men sexually.
160
00:08:20,199 --> 00:08:21,794
Hey, it's my new friend, Brian!
161
00:08:21,818 --> 00:08:22,850
Hi, Rush.
162
00:08:22,920 --> 00:08:24,502
Listen, I have to tell you,
163
00:08:24,571 --> 00:08:27,472
I read your book
and it was
very persuasive.
164
00:08:27,541 --> 00:08:29,285
I knew you'd like it,
and I'm glad
you enjoyed it,
165
00:08:29,309 --> 00:08:30,542
Brian, I really am.
166
00:08:30,610 --> 00:08:31,909
Oh, I more than enjoyed it.
167
00:08:31,978 --> 00:08:33,945
Every page just spoke to me.
168
00:08:34,013 --> 00:08:36,180
And, you know,
talking to you now,
I just...
169
00:08:36,249 --> 00:08:39,517
I want to find
the right words to describe
how much I agree with you.
170
00:08:39,586 --> 00:08:40,919
I got the words, Brian.
171
00:08:40,987 --> 00:08:42,681
"Thank you, Rush,
for doing
my thinking for me,
172
00:08:42,705 --> 00:08:45,417
"'cause I lack the ability
to think critically
and independently."
173
00:08:45,441 --> 00:08:46,525
Yes, that!
174
00:08:46,593 --> 00:08:47,954
You should be proud
of yourself, Brian.
175
00:08:47,978 --> 00:08:49,756
I mean, you sound like
a thoughtful American.
176
00:08:49,780 --> 00:08:52,363
Well, listen, I'd really love
to pick your brain some more
177
00:08:52,432 --> 00:08:53,809
and hear some of
your other thoughts
178
00:08:53,833 --> 00:08:55,178
about what's going
on in this country.
179
00:08:55,202 --> 00:08:57,885
I can do even
better than that, Brian.
180
00:09:09,666 --> 00:09:11,193
Wow.
Never thought
181
00:09:11,217 --> 00:09:13,696
I'd set foot
inside Republican
National Headquarters.
182
00:09:13,720 --> 00:09:14,797
This is amazing.
183
00:09:14,821 --> 00:09:16,287
And it gets better, Brian.
184
00:09:16,356 --> 00:09:18,790
Come on,
I'm gonna introduce you
to some of my pals here.
185
00:09:18,859 --> 00:09:20,875
Brian, meet
George W. Bush.
186
00:09:20,944 --> 00:09:22,109
Hey, Georgie!
187
00:09:22,746 --> 00:09:24,679
Uncle Rush!
188
00:09:24,765 --> 00:09:27,498
Hey! Ooh,
you are getting heavy.
189
00:09:27,567 --> 00:09:29,901
I know. I'm 64
and three-quarters.
190
00:09:29,970 --> 00:09:31,547
You sure are, slugger.
191
00:09:31,571 --> 00:09:33,154
Hey, you got one for me?
192
00:09:33,222 --> 00:09:34,617
What? What are you
talking about?
193
00:09:34,641 --> 00:09:36,202
Oh, come on, Uncle Rush.
194
00:09:36,226 --> 00:09:37,720
I don't know what
you're talking about, really.
195
00:09:37,744 --> 00:09:38,877
Come on!
196
00:09:38,945 --> 00:09:42,647
Oh! Wait a second.
197
00:09:42,716 --> 00:09:46,568
Yay! Yippee!
Thanks, Uncle Rush!
Don't tell my dad.
198
00:09:46,636 --> 00:09:49,487
Rush, you're not
giving him sweets,
are you? God damn it.
199
00:09:49,555 --> 00:09:50,989
What's the harm?
200
00:09:51,057 --> 00:09:53,035
He's going to be
pooping all over
his Spider-Man sheets
201
00:09:53,059 --> 00:09:55,021
and I'm the one
who's going to
have to deal with it.
202
00:09:55,045 --> 00:09:56,622
Hey there, Rush.
How you doing?
203
00:09:56,646 --> 00:09:57,762
Hey, John.
204
00:09:57,831 --> 00:09:59,630
Hey, I'd like you to
meet my friend, Brian.
205
00:09:59,699 --> 00:10:01,232
Brian, John McCain.
206
00:10:01,301 --> 00:10:03,279
Gosh, it sure
is a pleasure,
Mr. McCain.
207
00:10:03,303 --> 00:10:04,897
How do you two know each other?
208
00:10:04,921 --> 00:10:08,121
Oh, Rush and I used to
solve mysteries together
back in the day.
209
00:10:11,478 --> 00:10:12,961
I don't understand, John.
210
00:10:13,029 --> 00:10:16,130
The groundskeeper said
he saw the mummy
burning the flag.
211
00:10:16,199 --> 00:10:17,966
But mummies don't hate America.
212
00:10:18,034 --> 00:10:20,952
They sure don't, Rush.
But Democrats do.
213
00:10:21,020 --> 00:10:23,437
Ruh-roh.
Remocrats.
214
00:10:23,506 --> 00:10:24,805
(TEETH CHATTERING)
215
00:10:24,875 --> 00:10:26,485
Oh, it's okay, Hot Dog.
216
00:10:26,509 --> 00:10:30,111
But I think it's time
we unravel the mummy
and the mystery.
217
00:10:33,717 --> 00:10:34,994
I don't get it, John.
218
00:10:35,018 --> 00:10:37,396
How's a pig
gonna help us
lure the mummy?
219
00:10:37,420 --> 00:10:40,872
Rush, I've never known
a Democrat
to pass up pork.
220
00:10:40,924 --> 00:10:42,340
(SNICKERING)
221
00:10:43,677 --> 00:10:45,476
(MOANING)
222
00:10:48,415 --> 00:10:49,430
Gotcha!
223
00:10:50,683 --> 00:10:53,852
Now let's find out
who you really are.
224
00:10:55,354 --> 00:10:57,216
BOTH: It's old man
Barney Frank!
225
00:10:57,240 --> 00:10:58,850
And I would have
gotten away with it, too,
226
00:10:58,874 --> 00:11:01,075
if it weren't for you
meddling Republicans.
227
00:11:01,144 --> 00:11:03,088
Thanks for
all your help,
Globetrotters.
228
00:11:03,112 --> 00:11:06,181
That was a cold swish.
Put her there.
229
00:11:06,249 --> 00:11:08,332
No, no, no, no.
230
00:11:08,401 --> 00:11:10,351
(ALL LAUGHING)
231
00:11:13,656 --> 00:11:15,507
Look, Brian, all I'm saying is,
232
00:11:15,575 --> 00:11:18,209
it's not normal
for people to change
their political views
233
00:11:18,277 --> 00:11:19,694
so radically overnight.
234
00:11:19,763 --> 00:11:20,978
Lois, no offense,
235
00:11:21,047 --> 00:11:23,225
but you don't exactly know
what you're talking about.
236
00:11:23,249 --> 00:11:27,051
I mean, you're not exactly
a fountain of
political knowledge yourself.
237
00:11:27,120 --> 00:11:29,031
You want to know
what I think
is happening here?
238
00:11:29,055 --> 00:11:30,899
Oh, this should be
rich and overtaxed.
239
00:11:30,923 --> 00:11:33,291
I think you just got to
be in the "out" group.
240
00:11:33,360 --> 00:11:36,560
Whoever's on top,
whoever's in power,
whoever's successful,
241
00:11:36,629 --> 00:11:38,162
you got to be on the other side
242
00:11:38,231 --> 00:11:40,464
or you don't feel like
the smartest guy
in the room.
243
00:11:40,533 --> 00:11:42,633
All you are,
my dear,
is a contrarian.
244
00:11:42,703 --> 00:11:44,897
Oh, please,
you could not be
more off base.
245
00:11:44,921 --> 00:11:47,467
Oh, yeah? Let me ask,
what did you think
of the movie Titanic?
246
00:11:47,491 --> 00:11:49,535
Horrible.
One of the worst movies
ever made.
247
00:11:49,559 --> 00:11:51,025
How about Slumdog Millionaire?
248
00:11:51,094 --> 00:11:52,638
Overrated.
Just a terrible movie.
249
00:11:52,662 --> 00:11:53,761
Cocktail.
250
00:11:53,830 --> 00:11:55,174
Actually, not a bad film.
251
00:11:55,198 --> 00:11:57,310
You know,
as classically
structured cinema,
252
00:11:57,334 --> 00:11:59,278
Cocktail was one
of the best films
of its era.
253
00:11:59,302 --> 00:12:00,968
You make me sick, Brian.
254
00:12:01,037 --> 00:12:03,132
Look, Lois, if I were you,
I'd stow that attitude,
255
00:12:03,156 --> 00:12:06,396
because Rush Limbaugh
is coming over
for dinner tonight.
256
00:12:10,012 --> 00:12:12,280
Lois, this dinner
looks delicious.
257
00:12:12,349 --> 00:12:13,792
Oh, well, thank you.
258
00:12:13,816 --> 00:12:15,366
Dig in, everyone.
259
00:12:15,435 --> 00:12:17,875
Hang on, hang on.
I think you're forgetting
the grace, Lois.
260
00:12:17,904 --> 00:12:19,220
(SIGHS)
261
00:12:19,289 --> 00:12:21,272
Dear God who definitely exists,
262
00:12:21,340 --> 00:12:24,609
we, your people,
who have been on
this planet for 6,000 years
263
00:12:24,677 --> 00:12:27,779
and not a second more,
wish to thank you
for this bounty,
264
00:12:27,847 --> 00:12:29,747
and for keeping Congress
predominantly white
265
00:12:29,816 --> 00:12:31,749
through Christ our Lord, amen.
266
00:12:31,818 --> 00:12:34,746
So, Rush,
I see you made it
here okay
267
00:12:34,770 --> 00:12:38,239
driving on roads
built with public funds,
by the government.
268
00:12:38,308 --> 00:12:39,769
Yeah, what about that, Rush?
269
00:12:39,793 --> 00:12:41,637
I guess the government's
pretty good,
like Lois says.
270
00:12:41,661 --> 00:12:44,129
Actually,
I took the toll roads.
Privately built.
271
00:12:44,197 --> 00:12:46,931
Way smoother
than the crumbling
public road system.
272
00:12:47,000 --> 00:12:49,178
Yeah, Lois.
Government sucks
at doing stuff.
273
00:12:49,202 --> 00:12:50,980
Oh, no, toll roads sound great.
274
00:12:51,004 --> 00:12:53,471
Too bad only the very rich
can afford to use them.
275
00:12:53,539 --> 00:12:54,605
I agree with Lois.
276
00:12:54,674 --> 00:12:56,174
Well, maybe more people could
277
00:12:56,243 --> 00:12:58,777
if the government
wasn't taxing
the bejesus out of them.
278
00:12:58,845 --> 00:13:00,156
Now I agree with Rush.
279
00:13:00,180 --> 00:13:02,781
I'm too stupid to
make up my own mind.
280
00:13:02,849 --> 00:13:04,769
Yeah, okay.
Whatever you say, Rush.
281
00:13:04,800 --> 00:13:07,913
Hey, Rush, who'd win
in a fight between
you and Oprah?
282
00:13:07,937 --> 00:13:09,403
You know, actually,
it was a draw.
283
00:13:09,472 --> 00:13:11,239
We destroyed most
of downtown Tokyo,
284
00:13:11,307 --> 00:13:14,108
and then she just
walked sadly back
into the sea.
285
00:13:14,176 --> 00:13:16,277
So, nice weather today.
286
00:13:16,346 --> 00:13:17,645
Yeah, unseasonably cool.
287
00:13:17,714 --> 00:13:20,448
I guess we can forget
that whole
global warming myth.
288
00:13:20,517 --> 00:13:23,201
Global warming is not a myth,
you son of a bitch!
289
00:13:23,270 --> 00:13:24,930
Look, what the hell
are you so hostile for?
290
00:13:24,954 --> 00:13:26,937
Because you brainwashed our dog.
291
00:13:27,006 --> 00:13:28,639
Hey, listen, sister, I just...
292
00:13:28,708 --> 00:13:30,808
(FARTING)
293
00:13:31,878 --> 00:13:32,955
I'm sorry.
294
00:13:32,979 --> 00:13:34,829
Look, all I did was expose Brian
295
00:13:34,898 --> 00:13:36,230
to a different way of thinking.
296
00:13:36,299 --> 00:13:38,365
He embraced... Oh, God,
I'm gonna move over here.
297
00:13:38,434 --> 00:13:39,934
He embraced it on his own, Lois.
298
00:13:40,003 --> 00:13:41,981
Well, after Rush opened my eyes,
299
00:13:42,005 --> 00:13:44,505
I am seeing the world
in a whole new way now.
300
00:13:44,574 --> 00:13:47,494
To quote
a famous troublemaker,
"I have a dream..."
301
00:13:51,564 --> 00:13:54,949
♪ I dream of
Republicantown
302
00:13:55,018 --> 00:13:58,685
♪ Where men to
the right of the aisle
Don't back down
303
00:13:58,754 --> 00:14:02,373
♪ The streets are aglow
with the smell of apple pies
304
00:14:02,442 --> 00:14:06,144
♪ And babies
come out of the womb
in coats and ties
305
00:14:06,212 --> 00:14:07,344
Nice place, huh, Rush?
306
00:14:07,413 --> 00:14:09,147
It's a paradise, Brian.
307
00:14:09,215 --> 00:14:12,617
♪ Trees grow
from Republican sod
308
00:14:12,686 --> 00:14:16,187
♪ And everyone prays to
a proper right-wing god
309
00:14:16,256 --> 00:14:17,822
♪ Republican Catholics?
310
00:14:17,891 --> 00:14:19,841
♪ Yes, indeed,
there are
311
00:14:19,909 --> 00:14:21,275
♪ Republican Muslims?
312
00:14:21,344 --> 00:14:23,243
♪ Well, let's not
go too far
313
00:14:23,312 --> 00:14:24,378
No Muslims?
314
00:14:24,447 --> 00:14:25,841
Nah, too many tall buildings.
315
00:14:25,865 --> 00:14:28,583
♪ They've outlawed
all abortions
316
00:14:28,651 --> 00:14:30,468
♪ Late or early
317
00:14:30,537 --> 00:14:33,454
♪ It's a sin
we can't abide
318
00:14:33,540 --> 00:14:37,925
♪ What if you find
a fetus left abandoned?
319
00:14:37,994 --> 00:14:40,794
♪ We just take it
and we jam it back inside
320
00:14:40,881 --> 00:14:44,915
♪ Oh, yes, 'cause I
dream of Republicantown
321
00:14:44,968 --> 00:14:48,652
♪ The place where
the happiest smile
is Cheney's frown
322
00:14:48,722 --> 00:14:52,173
♪ I'll bet you a buck
you won't find
a damn thing wrong
323
00:14:52,258 --> 00:14:57,345
♪ 'Cause when
you come down to it,
this is where we all belong ♪
324
00:14:57,413 --> 00:14:58,541
Who else lives here?
325
00:14:58,565 --> 00:14:59,947
Oh, big names, Lois.
326
00:15:00,016 --> 00:15:03,101
♪ We're watching
Republican stars
327
00:15:03,169 --> 00:15:06,870
♪ Like sweet Mickey Rourke
and his gorgeous
right-wing scars
328
00:15:06,939 --> 00:15:08,306
♪ Chuck Norris is one
329
00:15:08,375 --> 00:15:10,619
♪ And he's got
a right-wing beard
330
00:15:10,643 --> 00:15:12,026
♪ Jon Voight
is another
331
00:15:12,095 --> 00:15:14,428
♪ He's just
right-wing weird ♪
332
00:15:14,497 --> 00:15:16,915
His daughter's
pretty hot, though.
333
00:15:16,983 --> 00:15:19,183
At one time, Brian.
At one time.
334
00:15:20,470 --> 00:15:23,087
♪ But how about
global warming?
335
00:15:23,156 --> 00:15:25,039
♪ It's a snow job
336
00:15:25,107 --> 00:15:27,808
♪ By Obama
and his crew
337
00:15:27,877 --> 00:15:30,544
♪ But aren't
all his findings
338
00:15:30,613 --> 00:15:32,312
♪ Backed by science?
339
00:15:32,382 --> 00:15:36,016
♪ Careful, Lois,
now you're sounding
like a Jew
340
00:15:36,102 --> 00:15:39,319
♪ We dream
of Republicantown
341
00:15:39,388 --> 00:15:42,990
♪ Where Clinton is viewed
as a crazy commie clown
342
00:15:43,059 --> 00:15:46,694
♪ A place where America's
growing free and strong
343
00:15:46,780 --> 00:15:49,897
♪ 'Cause when
you come down to it,
this is where
344
00:15:49,966 --> 00:15:55,052
♪ We all belong ♪
345
00:15:57,824 --> 00:16:00,686
Well, I got to tell you,
I'm not buying
any of this crap.
346
00:16:00,710 --> 00:16:02,905
Rush, we want our dog back.
347
00:16:02,929 --> 00:16:04,278
Hang on, Lois.
348
00:16:04,347 --> 00:16:05,758
What are you saying?
I don't have
a mind of my own?
349
00:16:05,782 --> 00:16:07,560
That's insulting.
And you know what?
350
00:16:07,584 --> 00:16:10,329
I don't like the way
you've been talking
to Rush this evening.
351
00:16:10,353 --> 00:16:12,030
You know, I thought
you were my friends.
352
00:16:12,054 --> 00:16:15,033
But if you can't accept me
now that we disagree
about certain things,
353
00:16:15,057 --> 00:16:17,503
then maybe you aren't
the friends
I thought you were.
354
00:16:17,527 --> 00:16:18,654
I'm moving out.
355
00:16:18,678 --> 00:16:19,838
What?
No!
356
00:16:19,862 --> 00:16:20,894
Again?
357
00:16:20,981 --> 00:16:22,174
I'm gonna go stay
with Rush Limbaugh.
358
00:16:22,198 --> 00:16:23,425
Right, Rush?
Huh?
359
00:16:23,449 --> 00:16:24,893
I'm gonna stay with you.
360
00:16:24,917 --> 00:16:27,835
Uh, yeah, yeah, sure.
That... That's fine.
361
00:16:27,904 --> 00:16:29,920
Oh, this is a bad idea.
362
00:16:29,989 --> 00:16:32,557
But I guess sometimes
Fox has bad ideas, huh?
363
00:16:34,160 --> 00:16:35,504
Let's all just sit here
for a moment
364
00:16:35,528 --> 00:16:37,962
and remember that
this was a thing.
365
00:16:46,456 --> 00:16:47,633
Morning, Rush.
366
00:16:47,657 --> 00:16:49,268
Hey, thanks again for
letting me stay here.
367
00:16:49,292 --> 00:16:51,187
Oh, it's not really
any trouble, Brian.
368
00:16:51,211 --> 00:16:53,011
What do you figure,
just a few days?
369
00:16:53,062 --> 00:16:56,108
Man, who knows?
It's just so good
to be out of there.
370
00:16:56,132 --> 00:16:57,559
Hey, you know,
I've been reading
all your books
371
00:16:57,583 --> 00:16:59,461
and I so 100% agree with you.
372
00:16:59,485 --> 00:17:01,596
I mean, what is going on
with this country?
373
00:17:01,620 --> 00:17:03,232
I mean, wake up, America.
374
00:17:03,256 --> 00:17:05,889
I mean, these taxes, right?
I mean, am I right?
375
00:17:05,958 --> 00:17:07,636
About the taxes?
You know?
376
00:17:07,660 --> 00:17:08,825
Yeah, taxes are pretty high.
377
00:17:08,894 --> 00:17:10,528
Is that a new coffee machine?
378
00:17:10,596 --> 00:17:12,508
Oh, yeah, I took the liberty
of replacing your old one
379
00:17:12,532 --> 00:17:15,892
with a new,
American-made
coffee machine.
380
00:17:16,652 --> 00:17:19,887
In fact, I got you
a bunch of new, top-notch,
American-made stuff.
381
00:17:21,390 --> 00:17:22,656
What else did you buy?
382
00:17:22,725 --> 00:17:25,543
Oh, a couple things,
that light fixture,
383
00:17:25,611 --> 00:17:29,513
new heat regulator
on your stove,
your man-bra,
384
00:17:29,582 --> 00:17:32,950
your garbage disposal,
your dishwasher,
385
00:17:33,018 --> 00:17:34,218
and your new cat.
386
00:17:34,704 --> 00:17:36,303
(MOOING)
387
00:17:41,461 --> 00:17:43,456
And you're listening to
the Rush Limbaugh Show.
388
00:17:43,480 --> 00:17:46,848
I want to take a moment
to give a shout-out
to my good friend Ken Lay,
389
00:17:46,916 --> 00:17:48,483
faked his own death,
390
00:17:48,551 --> 00:17:51,312
listening in on a ham radio
somewhere in
international waters.
391
00:17:51,354 --> 00:17:53,320
Smooth sailing, Kenny boy.
392
00:17:53,389 --> 00:17:55,417
Hey, Rush? Is it okay
to hang out in here?
393
00:17:55,441 --> 00:17:58,425
All right, fine.
Just don't say
anything, okay?
394
00:18:00,496 --> 00:18:02,847
So, friends,
we were talking
about Nancy Pelosi.
395
00:18:02,915 --> 00:18:05,349
How do we stop her?
How do we stop
the Pelosi agenda...
396
00:18:05,417 --> 00:18:06,667
Hey, I'll tell you how.
397
00:18:06,735 --> 00:18:08,514
You strap her to a board,
put a cloth in her mouth,
398
00:18:08,538 --> 00:18:10,582
and pour water over it
to simulate drowning.
399
00:18:10,606 --> 00:18:12,906
Yeah! Small government!
400
00:18:12,975 --> 00:18:15,276
And why don't
we take a short break
here, folks.
401
00:18:15,344 --> 00:18:16,443
We'll be right back.
402
00:18:16,512 --> 00:18:17,795
Brian, are you nuts?
403
00:18:17,864 --> 00:18:19,575
What the hell kind of show
you think I'm doing here?
404
00:18:19,599 --> 00:18:21,760
What? What are you...
Come on.
Pelosi's a monster.
405
00:18:21,784 --> 00:18:24,146
And she's addicted to crack.
Come on,
you're with me on this.
406
00:18:24,170 --> 00:18:27,371
Of course she's
addicted to crack,
but you can't just say that.
407
00:18:27,440 --> 00:18:29,800
You got to lead people there
with an intelligent argument,
408
00:18:29,842 --> 00:18:31,259
so they arrive at it
on their own.
409
00:18:31,327 --> 00:18:33,171
Hey, come on, man.
We got to tell people
how it is.
410
00:18:33,195 --> 00:18:34,623
We got to get them
on board with us.
411
00:18:34,647 --> 00:18:36,931
Brian, look,
there is no victory
unless people know
412
00:18:37,000 --> 00:18:39,734
why they were wrong
to disagree with you
in the first place.
413
00:18:39,819 --> 00:18:41,468
Boy, do you sound soft.
414
00:18:41,537 --> 00:18:42,998
What the hell's
your problem, Brian?
415
00:18:43,022 --> 00:18:44,133
My problem?
416
00:18:44,157 --> 00:18:45,968
Right now,
my problem seems to be
417
00:18:45,992 --> 00:18:47,736
that I am talking
to a Pelosi-lover.
418
00:18:47,760 --> 00:18:49,070
What?
Yeah, that's right.
419
00:18:49,094 --> 00:18:50,361
You love Pelosi.
420
00:18:50,413 --> 00:18:52,246
You know what?
It's time for you to go.
421
00:18:52,315 --> 00:18:53,843
Right now.
Hey, fine.
422
00:18:53,867 --> 00:18:55,811
I don't have to sit here
and waste my time
with a softie.
423
00:18:55,835 --> 00:18:57,279
You call yourself a Republican?
424
00:18:57,303 --> 00:18:59,503
Republicans don't
shy away from a fight.
425
00:18:59,539 --> 00:19:01,820
And I'm gonna prove it to you.
426
00:19:13,102 --> 00:19:14,535
Aha!
427
00:19:14,604 --> 00:19:16,637
Who are you?
How did you get in here?
428
00:19:16,705 --> 00:19:18,039
Shut up, Pelosi.
429
00:19:18,107 --> 00:19:19,740
Are you here to take my baby?
430
00:19:19,809 --> 00:19:21,403
No, I'm here to
strap you to a board,
431
00:19:21,427 --> 00:19:23,321
put a cloth in your mouth,
and pour water over it
432
00:19:23,345 --> 00:19:25,057
to simulate
the sensation
of drowning.
433
00:19:25,081 --> 00:19:26,814
Yeah! Traditional values!
434
00:19:36,759 --> 00:19:38,492
Griffin, you been bailed out.
435
00:19:41,414 --> 00:19:42,808
Oh, Rush, thank God.
436
00:19:42,832 --> 00:19:44,310
Boy, you got down here quick.
437
00:19:44,334 --> 00:19:46,511
Yeah, I keep
Strom Thurmond's corpse
in the front seat,
438
00:19:46,535 --> 00:19:47,935
so I can use the carpool lane.
439
00:19:48,004 --> 00:19:49,036
Oh.
440
00:19:49,105 --> 00:19:50,716
Okay,
well, come on,
let's go home.
441
00:19:50,740 --> 00:19:52,990
Great idea.
Time for you to go home.
442
00:19:53,059 --> 00:19:54,659
Home to the Griffins.
443
00:19:54,727 --> 00:19:56,460
What do you mean?
444
00:19:56,529 --> 00:19:58,012
That's where you belong, Brian.
445
00:19:58,081 --> 00:19:59,680
You're not
really a conservative.
446
00:19:59,749 --> 00:20:01,943
What are you...
That's not true.
I am conservative.
447
00:20:01,967 --> 00:20:04,747
I support the death penalty
to show people
that killing is wrong.
448
00:20:04,771 --> 00:20:06,204
And that's great, Brian.
449
00:20:06,272 --> 00:20:09,073
Look, I make
a living persuading others
to join my side.
450
00:20:09,141 --> 00:20:12,343
But I'd never,
ever want somebody
to be something they're not.
451
00:20:12,412 --> 00:20:14,011
You're a liberal, Brian.
452
00:20:14,080 --> 00:20:17,398
I mean, what about
that four-year-old that
was executed in Texas?
453
00:20:17,467 --> 00:20:19,850
There was a four-year-old
executed in Texas?
454
00:20:19,918 --> 00:20:23,320
Not really,
but you see, Brian,
your concern betrays you.
455
00:20:23,389 --> 00:20:25,122
I know your type.
456
00:20:25,191 --> 00:20:27,535
It's not a coincidence
you turned your back
on your democratic principles
457
00:20:27,559 --> 00:20:29,938
just when the Democrats
became the
political establishment.
458
00:20:29,962 --> 00:20:32,096
All you want is
something to fight against.
459
00:20:32,164 --> 00:20:33,347
I mean...
460
00:20:33,416 --> 00:20:35,950
I suppose we shouldn't
be executing children.
461
00:20:36,019 --> 00:20:38,886
You see?
You're not really
one of us.
462
00:20:38,955 --> 00:20:40,837
Oh, my God...
463
00:20:40,906 --> 00:20:42,122
Lois was right.
464
00:20:42,191 --> 00:20:43,724
Right there.
465
00:20:43,793 --> 00:20:45,704
See, the fact that
you would give a woman
credit for anything,
466
00:20:45,728 --> 00:20:47,394
it means you're
a liberal, Brian.
467
00:20:47,463 --> 00:20:51,865
It's time for you
to spread your
two left wings and fly.
468
00:20:51,934 --> 00:20:55,152
Does this... Does this mean
I'll never see you again?
469
00:20:55,204 --> 00:20:57,088
Oh, I'll be around.
470
00:20:57,156 --> 00:20:58,833
Wherever there's
a rich white guy
471
00:20:58,857 --> 00:21:01,658
in need of another tax break,
I'll be there.
472
00:21:01,727 --> 00:21:03,572
Wherever there's
a brain-dead woman
473
00:21:03,596 --> 00:21:06,697
in need of
expensive life support
her husband doesn't want,
474
00:21:06,765 --> 00:21:08,198
I'll be there.
475
00:21:08,267 --> 00:21:10,600
Wherever there's a country
that needs to be invaded
476
00:21:10,669 --> 00:21:14,271
for reasons that
don't exactly pan out,
I'll be there, too.
477
00:21:14,340 --> 00:21:17,057
Oh, yes, I will be around.
478
00:21:28,237 --> 00:21:30,538
Hey, Limbaugh.
479
00:21:30,623 --> 00:21:34,508
I think you're a boneheaded,
fascist,
corporate-shilling blowhard.
480
00:21:34,577 --> 00:21:36,126
Look, you little smartass,
481
00:21:36,195 --> 00:21:38,963
I think you are a godless,
socialist, pot-smoking,
482
00:21:39,031 --> 00:21:41,966
maggot-infested member
of the blame-America-
first crowd,
483
00:21:42,034 --> 00:21:44,267
and I think you want
the terrorists to win.
484
00:22:15,334 --> 00:22:17,014
(AMERICA THE BEAUTIFUL
PLAYING)
485
00:22:51,971 --> 00:22:53,051
ENGLISH - US - LINE 21